“Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other’s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another.” – Henry David Thoreau, “Walden”, section on “Solitude”

I’m not quite so cynical of human companionship as Thoreau, but there does seem to be some measure of truth in this. There are, after all, the old sayings “Familiarity breeds contempt,” and “That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly.” In the latter case, I think Thomas Paine was speaking of freedom, but I suspect it applies just as well to relationships.

I don’t see Thoreau’s take on things as “the way things must be”, but rather a warning that relationships require effort. There is something to be said for “acquir(ing) any new value for each other.” Certainly anyone can become too familiar with one another, but if this happens too easily or too quickly in the relationship it could be a warning sign. When you spend much of your time together there will often be very little new to talk about.

It is therefore good when you can choose companions (be it friends or spouses or what-have-you) that you find someone whose perspective and thought-processes you find intriguing so that even though you both experience many of the same events, even your individual reactions to and thoughts on those events will be different enough to provide value in the discussion of the same.

That’s why, though far too rare, I have often found great satisfaction in conversing with people whose ideas may differ significantly from my own, but who are not threatened by those differences. People who can calmly disagree with you and respect you just the same are wonderful people who should be treasured. Such relationships can be some of the most rewarding you will ever find.

In any case, while I agree with Thoreau to a point, even I, an introvert, find some human interaction beneficial throughout the day. While I don’t think I would go crazy in Thoreau’s Walden situation of near solitude for days on end, I do find that simply having someone else to bounce my thoughts off of from time to time helps me immensely. I suspect if I were to live like Thoreau for an extended period of time I would begin speaking to myself (at least more loudly and frequently than I already do). I would certainly start speaking to the various flora, fauna, and inanimate objects nearby.

This is one reason why I don’t believe that self-reliance really means complete independence. As it says in Genesis in the Bible, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone”. Or, to quote from more contemporary bards, “We all need…somebody…to leeeeaan on!”